sloth...

gosh, somehow sloth has gotten hold of me again. there are soooo many things to do, but i can't seem to find the motivation to do these things.maybe because i lost my interest, and i want to regain it. yeah, maybe i feel like i don't want to do this anymore, i want to stop here and find an easier route to follow, but that's not the case, no matter how much i wanted to find that route, it doesn't seem to exist, well, maybe in my imagination. for the past few weeks i feel so tired, i don't know why, but every single day, i feel so tired. my life has no direction, i hate to admit it but since he left, i can't find myself. i feel like a LOST SOUL. i ignored him and make him a stranger to me, but even so, the fact still remains, i love him still. and it hurts to think i can't have him anymore, yeah, i think, i have accepted that fact, but feelings can't be washed away like that. the feeling is still with me and it somehow holds on tighter. i want to move on, but my legs feel so numb and doesn't want to move. i tried dismissing him in my mind, i even tried to conceal my feelings by directing it to another person but that's a wrong move, i don't want to hurt any other person. i'm still stuck at the place where he left me, holding on to what's not there, still wishing he'd look back. i don't want to be this broken anymore, i want to be whole again, i want to regain the interest i lost. i want to be able to do things again, to be motivated, to be inspired. i want to move forward. but no, i have to stay, to pick up the broken pieces, no matter it scratches and implant wounds in my hands i have to, because when the right person comes i want to give this INTACT. i have to stay, and hopefully as time passes by i'll be whole again and no longer will sloth grasp me tight. i'll have the motivation and inspiration again to do things and do it with all the best i can.