why people are afraid to be alone?

mood:curious
position in my journey: still standing from where i was

hmmm...i just noticed that some people are afraid to be alone, i wonder why?, well, not really, because even i, am afraid of being alone. i just stared at the blank piece of paper, trying to communicate with my inner self and gladly it answered back. a thing that entered my
mind, is that people don't like being alone because they are afraid of reliving old memories.
uhmm, imagine this: you had the worst experience of your life and you finally got over it by trying to busy yourself with other stuff, let say writing a blog? (ignore the last part) but when you finally got to bed and just stare at the ceiling hoping you'll fall asleep, those memories came flooding back, don't you just hate it? well i do. sometimes our brain can really be annoying,
you're there trying to forget your worst memories and your brain can't help but think about it.
grrr..people try to stay away from this but if there is only "me, myself and i", you can't run anymore. But if people keep running away from this where would self-reflection come in?, maybe reliving those old memories aren't that bad, maybe if you keep reliving it you'll become immune to it. once you become immune, you won't have to associate the brain with the heart,
you won't get teary-eyed anymore from reminiscing, separating your brain from your heart would help you analyse
and internalize everything that happened in that situation, helping you put some sense to it
and eventually, a new knowledge will sprout out and make you look on the brighter side of it.
things aren't always what they seem to be. haven't you ever thought that somehow in your
worst memories it brings out the best in you? so why be afraid in being alone? it gives you time
to
KNOW THYSELF. i know this line is old but i'll use it again CONQUER YOUR FEARS.

A scarred heart

mood: hurt
position in my journey: two steps away from the line

Ever heard of the saying "if you don't have anything good to say, 
say none"... 

i'm happy for passing a really tough exam this day(stupid ana lab),but the only thing that really bothered me this day is when we had this theo thing(i really hate that prof)...to make a very long story short.. someone told me (or rather wrote) i'm a social climber(ouch!)... i really don't know the person, and i'm sure he/she don't know me too, because someone who knows me well enough knows i'm not that person. well, i really don't care, or at least that's what i'm trying to tell myself and put on a mask that always smile...but deep inside i have a scarred heart, a heart that is still crying, i can feel it's tears roll down. i hate it!.. some people think i 'm such a strong person but i'm not, i'm such a cry baby that i cry myself to sleep so many times. i just don't feel like crying infront of my blockmates. this stupid prof told us that we could be as harsh as we like in writing the negative things but to vulgar words. have he not taken consideration that some people might get hurt. he told us that we should accept it, but is it that easy?.. for me it's not. i'm not angry, i'm hurt...so much. good thing i have real friends beside me during that time... i remember a
friend of mine hugging me and telling me she wants to kick the ass of the person who wrote it..
but just hearing her say that, makes me warm inside.. it told me that somehow, there is still someone who believes in me and don't think i'm a social climber.. it made me feel that the person who wrote that was just sooo jealous that i have real friends unlike him or her.. maybe because he/she is such a backstabber, well, i think he/she is a backstabber, i thought i have a good relationship with each and everyone in our section, i was wrong!., this experience thought me not to be so trustful with the people that 
surrounds you, because one person in that crowd might backstab you..  i thought no one would have the guts to say that, it's below the belt.. good thing i have true friends.. i'm really thankful for having them.. clue: one of them loves yellow.. the other loves pink and hello kitty, the other one is aka J.Lo, hmmm.. 
i'll just mention three of them because if i name them all, the space won't cover it.. love yah guys!=)

mood: guilty
position in my journey:a step away from the starting line

 at last, i finally got time to rest from all my school work. four days of nothing but rest and fun. well, at least that's what i did. after 3 days of doing nothing (except sleep, eat and play MS) on the fourth day i realized something, i was just browsing my friendster profile the all of the sudden i can't help but think about my highschool friends and  i realize how much i miss them.don't get me wrong, i love hanging out with my college friends (CF), i mean what else could you ask for, they're smart, talented, easy-to-be-with, confident, always there for you. i admit, at times i forget how much fun i had with my HSF, all i think about is how much fun i'm having with my CF nowadays. i'd better say sorry for that. right now i feel so guilty and make me want to look for them and give them all a great big hug while treating them with some of my favorite frapp at starbucks. i think i owe them so much. they say true friends will always be there, but don't you think that time and distance
will loose the strings? i don't know, but maybe i'm just being paranoid and afraid to lose the first real friends i have, they are the one that accepted me for who i am, i don't have to make pretenses  and i'm free to be myself, being as tactless i can be, be as a goofball and stupid person i am. they trust me and i trust them too. i truly miss them. right now, since (i think) everyone of us is so pre-occupied about our college lives all i can do is hope everything is working out for them.

~**sorry for all the wrong grammars and everything... i told you, i'm not really into this, i'm doing this to keep track of what my inner thoughts are and maybe, just maybe, it will leave clues to what i really want to be or to where my happiness is, because right now, i don't know myself anymore, so please bear with me...thank you**~