Sudden Burst of Emotion

*i never really liked writing but ironically its the only way i could put all my emotion into. I always thought i was an extrovert, someone ready to tell the world all about myself, someone that can have an open book for a life, someone ready to reveal every single thing, both flaws and accomplishments, but there is something inside me, something that is not yet ready to be talked to the whole world, when someone asked about it, i just keep quiet, not knowing what to say, or maybe if i do, i answer in monosyllabic pattern and only through writing can i express my inner thoughts.*

This morning when i woke up, again, i didn't have the motivation to get out my bed. i just lie there and stare at the ceiling, from the very moment i had my eyes open, all i can think about is the stupid fact that HE is already with someone else, that maybe at this very moment they are together celebrating the Eucharist, he told me the other night that he doesn't want to rain during the weekends because that would wreck his weekend, why? because he'll be celebrating the Eucharist at the Church near a certain mall which by the way is far from where he is staying, so i didn't ask if he'll have anyone to accompany him the answer is already clear: YES!, he have someone to accompany him and who else? the GIRL, well, he's not really the type to go to mass without any concrete reason, and if at this point you stil don't know that reason, then, poor you cause you have a bird's brain.(sorry, for the insult). anyway, back to my room, just when that thought struck me, i noticed that it was raining hard outside, hmm.. then maybe he wasn't able to attend *spark of hope*, although that spark didn't last long at least it gave me a little motivation to get up and have breakfast, as usual, i tried planning my day which includes being productive but unfortunately it never happened, so, i logged in and unexpectedly he did too, at this point i don't know what to feel or to do. i just sat there in front of my computer and stare at his username until the name becomes blurred in my vision. a part of me wanted to talk to him but another part tells me to be stone-cold and make him a stranger. i told myself that if he pm'd me then i'll reply but if didn't then let it be, so an hour had gone he still didn't show any sign of interest in talking with me. but what really made me sooooo mad or rather JEALOUS, is when he changed his stat into "waiting for kitty...", GAWD!, it doesn't take a genius to know who that is. c'mon, i never hated him soo much, he is the only one capable of letting me feel every emotion at it's extremes, he made me feel soo HAPPY, soo DEPRESSED, soo JEALOUS, soo MAD. ok, that's where i drew the line, HE IS NOW OFFICIALLY A STRANGER TO ME!. i deleted him in my friends list in friendster, deleted our pictures together or rather every single picture he is in, deleted his comments in my page and my comments in his page, blocked him in my messenger. every possible connection must be erased. i don't want to talk to him ever again. i wanted to cry but i told myself he's not worth the tears, a stranger is not worth a tear. fine, i'm bitter, and i like it that way, my imagination is soaring high and i have these crazy ideas on how to make the both of them feel the pain i have right now. i even had this sentence stuck in my mind. "welcome to your worst nightmare" and "i don't want you to come running back to me, i want you to CRAWL down and beg your way to me" . haha, yeah, so i'm evil, who cares, i love myself. some people will tell me i'm bitter, c'mon!?!, what do you expect from a person who got sooo HURT!. right now, the only pain reliever is being bitter. and i thank a good friend of mine in sending this quote which relieves the pain even more.

those who are BITTER are STRONGER individuals. wanna know why? because STRONG people know how to control their emotions & BITTER people know when to realize that it's ENOUGH and it's OVER.

BITTERNESS is not a totally negative thing. it's just a way of showing other that in life, there is such thing as, "i still love you but i do not want to care anymore."